Urinating is Frustrating
by Pups3942
Summary: Castiel gets drunk one night after losing his grace and laments to Dean on one of his most disliked human urges - Urination. It was not a pleasant experience at all. Warning Tags: Destiel Humor, Fluff, Smut, Drunk Sex


Castiel the once great Angel of the Lord, a fierce follower, and a loyal friend, never once thought that being human was the most treacherous task he'd ever done. There were thirst and hunger pangs, sweat and showers, tiredness and sleep. But the thing he dislikes the most, was having the urges to urinate. Eating and drinking, he could get used to it. But all those food and water had to go somewhere, and having to run to the toilet every now and then was frustrating.

His boyfriend, Dean, and his brother had been a great help with understanding the needs of the human biology and it wasn't that difficult to catch up; Castiel had been here since the start of time after all, watching the creation of the first creatures and their evolution till now. Observation was one thing, experiencing them was another. Castiel hadn't prepared himself at all to take on the role to bear the burden of one of those creations.

"Cas, you know that no matter what, we will find a way to save you." Sam said in an attempt to cheer up the gloomy ex-angel. To which he sighed in reply, "You don't know that Sam.. Even I do not know if there is any of my grace left." Castiel glanced sideways to look at Dean, "Without my grace, I am 'just a baby in a trenchcoat'."

"Woah woah, Cas! I was just joking, you know that right?" Dean defended. Castiel only looked more dejected, and it hurts Dean that although he was not the root cause of the problem, he had somehow contributed to his boyfriend's misery.

Dean glanced around the bunker to think of something, anything, that he could use to distract Cas with. His eyes lingered at the sight of the kitchen and a thought popped up in Dean's mind. A small smile broke on Dean's face as he practically leapt off the couch and dashed into the kitchen.

Two crates of beer was set on the table right in front of Castiel's eyes. Sam leaned forward to grab a bottle, while Castiel looked up at Dean, who still wore that sheepish smile on his face. His boyfriend took a bottle and handed it out to Cas, who was still hesitant. "Come on Cas, what'cha waiting for? Drink up." As Castiel wrapped his hand around the bottle of beer passed to him, Dean had already reached for another and was casually taking a sip.

"Why the sudden need for drinks, Dean?" Cas asked, still eyeing his bottle suspiciously.

"What? There is no occasion for drinking Cas." Dean replied. "It helps you pass time, sometimes helps you forget about things. Plus it tastes great."

Castiel took a sip and his face scrunched up immediately in regret. "It doesn't taste great at all!" Cas grumbled. Out of the two Winchester brothers, Sam had the bigger laugh. "Didn't you chance upon a liquor store once, and you drank it all?"

Castiel wiped his lips with his sleeve, and frowned. Dean had to suppress a chuckle. Man, human Cas is more of a child than when Sammy when he caught a cold as a kid. "How about we play a game. Whoever loses each round drinks up."

"That sounds good." Sam added. "Let's do something simple."

"How about 'Rock, Paper, Scissors'? It should be easy to catch." Dean suggested.

So 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' it was. Now, Castiel the once great Angel of the Lord, a fierce follower, and a loyal friend, used to think that being human was the most treacherous task he'd ever done. He had a correction to make. Winning a children's guessing hand game had to be the most difficult task to accomplish as of the moment.

"Either of you must be cheating." Castiel groaned as he downed another bottle of beer. He was beginning to feel lightheaded and slightly groggy. Castiel slumped back into the couch, through his haze-lit eyes, he could vaguely make out three empty bottles lying on the coffee table in front of him and with one still in his grasp, that makes four.

"I assure you that we aren't." Dean said as he took another big gulp from his bottle. "There, I drank a handful too didn't I?"

Castiel only groaned and held his head in response.

Sam got up and said something Cas couldn't comprehend, something about needing to go to his room or going to the loo or pick up his phone, whatever. Cas couldn't care less that Sam left them be for the rest of the night.

"Dean." Cas flinched as the bottle slipped out of his grasp and crashed onto the floor. "Is everything supposed to be so loud?"

Dean laughed at his boyfriend. Damn, Cas looked cute like that. His body flushed pale red with those half-lidded eyes and that tongue flicking out of the sexy mouth to taste the residual flavour of beer, Castiel was truly a sight to see.

Castiel leaned forward to grab a new bottle. "What are you looking at?" Cas spat. "Drink with me Deannnnn." He raised his bottle clumsily, spilling slightly onto his chest. "Cheers!"

Cas, alone, hadn't hit half a dozen of beer and he was as close to getting wasted as he could be. Who knew Cas would get drunk so easily? Secretly deep down in his dirty little mind, Dean had hoped that it would take little effort to tip Cas over. And while Dean wasn't a hundred percent sober, he wasn't close to being as drunk as his boyfriend was.

"Cas, baby." Dean sat down beside the ex-angel. "Sam and I will do whatever it takes to get your grace back. I promise you."

Castiel's alcohol addled mind was delayed in the reaction, but he replied eventually. "Dean. You smell good." He mumbled, "Like honey."

Dean raised his brow in confusion. "Honey?"

"Mhmm.." Cas grumbled. "I like honey. It tastes sweet." Castiel swug his half drunk bottle of beer into Dean's taut chest. "Unlike this weird creation of yeast-fermented malt flavoured of a drink... No!" Castiel looked into Dean's green eyes, indignant, "That is bitter not close to sweet. And I do not like it."

Dean couldn't control himself this round and let out a heart laugh. Bitter not close to sweet? What the hell was Cas talking about? Bittersweet _is_ how beer is supposed to taste like. Dean stilled in his laughter and smiled sweetly at his drunkard of a boyfriend leaning on him. Only Cas could make him smile like a moron.

Castiel rolled over and laid sprawled out on Dean, "Why won't you drink with me?"

Dean carefully removed the bottle from Cas's hands to prevent more unnecessary mess, and caressed the ex-angel's cheek. "Baby, that's enough for tonight. Time for bed."

Castiel pushed himself off Dean far enough to lock his stunning blue eyes to Dean's bright green. Cas wore a solemn look, and as he furrowed his brows, he looked seriously pissed off. "NOOO!"

"What the hell Cas?" Dean winced as the loud voice pierced his ears, and when Cas starts laughing, Dean remembers that he was utterly smashed. "Come on baby, let's get your drunk ass back to your room."

Castiel looked at his feet, annoyed that he was brought to stand and away from the comfy human pillow he had been crushing on in the last few moments. He looks back up and leaned forward to capture Dean's lips against his own.

The kiss wasn't the soft, sweet kiss like the ones they shared in secret moments, nor was it pressing or demanding, like the ones Dean often gave during sex. It was just there, lip to lip contact. And as Cas frowned into the unresponsive action, Dean kissed him back.

Neither one of them pull back exactly, but the kiss ends, leaving Castiel shuddering, his arms looped around his boyfriend's neck.

Hazily, Castiel raised his gaze to find Dean already looking back. They peer at each other for a heartbeat before Dean leaned forward to kiss him again.

This time, it was much more frantic, with one hand on the back of Castiel's neck and one on his hip, he dragged Cas closer as his tongue pushed into the ex-angel's mouth unhesitatingly.

Dean's mouth was warm and inviting... And so soft. Castiel opened his mouth and Dean dived in the second time, pushing Cas until his back hit the wall, giving Dean support for holding up his boyfriend. Cas moaned into the kiss.

Dean hadn't realized that he closed his eyes until he heard Cas moan the second time, significantly louder. But something felt wrong. Why was the weight on his chest getting heavier by the second? Why was the lips on his mouth moving in an uncoordinated manner, unlike how Cas would do? Dean opened his eyes and was greeted by an uncooperative Cas pushing him away. His face was still flushed, be it from the beer or from the kiss, and he wasn't looking at all happy.

Dean broke the kiss and Cas let out an irritated huff. Dean's hands wandered under Cas's shirt but his actions were cut short by his boyfriend who seemed to have suddenly picked up a really short temper.

"Dean, please stop." Castiel said in an angry sigh.

Dean was utterly confused. He didn't do something wrong, did he? Cas had never pushed him away, why now? "Cas, what's wrong?"

Castiel scrunched up his face and looked down towards his belly, his hand brought up to press on the bottom of his abdomen, right above his pubic v-line. "I think I have to urinate."

Ah yes… It had slipped his mind in the heat of the moment. Castiel was human now, naturally, he would have human needs. But Castiel was only human for a few days, could it be-? Perhaps?

"Cas, maybe you don't have to go." Dean explained.

Castiel could be confused.

"Maybe, you need something else."

He was experiencing these feelings for the first time anyways, these feelings could be easily mistaken.

"What do you mean?" Castiel asked. "It feels exactly like the need to urinate."

Dean cleared his throat as his hand snaked down between their bodies and clutched Cas's package; Cas jolted in surprise. "Sometimes, instead of urges, it's pleasure."

"Like finally letting go after holding in for a very long time?" Cas asked.

"Err… Yes. The idea is there." Dean replied.

"I see." Cas said as he latched onto Dean where his neck met his shoulders. "Dean, I dislike urinating." Cas mumbled between suckles. "Do you ever tire from urinating? It is very frustrating."

Dean's hands wander under Cas's shirt, lifting it up to feel the expanse of warm, smooth skin. Being able to touch Cas's skin like this always made his heart beat in his chest. "No, fuck I'll be worried if I don't have to take a piss."

Castiel pulls back a bit and for a moment, Dean thought he'd fucked up somehow, ruined the moment or something, but Cas took his shirt off. His taut skin pulling tight over his well defined chest and across his shoulders, and as soon as the shirt had been discarded on the floor, Cas wasted not a second and dove straight back to suckling Dean's neck. It had almost been a favorite spot for Cas to latch on.

"But it distracts me from doing stuff." Cas muttered, his breath tickling Dean's earlobe. "Stuff like this."

Dean couldn't help but choke at that comment. "Dude, you do stuff like this when other people?"

Castiel hummed as he ran his fingers through Dean's short hair. "And I do good Dean."

What the fuck? Of Dean's knowledge of his boyfriend, he never cheated, nor would he want to. What did Cas mean? Castiel reached underneath Dean's shirt and tugged at it, "Take it off." And Dean complied.

"Cas-" Dean was silenced by Cas's fervent kiss. The feeling of his own hot skin against Cas's was intoxicating.

Castiel slipped his hands downwards and pushed into Dean's pants, or at least he tried but failed miserably. He broke the kiss to focus on unbuttoning Dean's pants and pushed them off his boyfriend's hip with the boxers in one go. Dean gave a small wiggle to aid in the removal before stepping out of the clothes completely, standing stark naked in front of Cas.

Castiel reached out to Dean's muscular body, sliding his hand from below his neck to his navel and lingering there for a moment before leaving to caress Dean's exposed skin. There wasn't a part of Dean's body that hadn't, at one point or another, been conquered by Cas's careful touches. Even so, each caress felt new and the spark beneath Cas's fingers emanates throughout Dean's body.

"Baby, take these off." Dean practically moaned as he tugged on Castiel's pants.

Dean leaned forward to rest his head on the ex-angel's shoulder and he let his nails grate up Cas's nape until he was combing upward through his hair. All the while, Dean's lips clasped around Castiel's earlobe, tugging playfully before sucking the sensitive skin into his hot mouth. Castiel hummed with approval, pressing himself against Dean's body and Dean was rewarded by the sensation of a bare erection prodding back. He felt Cas shuffle his feet till the pants were free and kicked it to join the pile of clothes on the floor.

Systematically, Dean's touches evolved from light and fluffy to something hungry and passionate. The slow tease of his hand around Castiel's pelvis became a determined jaunt toward his cock, grasping the base and scooping the man's balls in one swift movement. Following in suit, his other hand wrapped tightly around Cas's head, tugging his hair to expose his neck while he explored the skin with a covetous mouth.

Entranced, Castiel's breathing hitched. His heart was pounding so loudly, he was sure Dean could hear it; each little bite and lick from Dean sent chill down his spine and he let out a groan.

Dean's hand stroked the length of Castiel's erection, thumb running over the head of his cock, picking up pre-ejaculate and distributing it over the tip before rubbing back down again. He repeated the motion slowly, over and over, as he rutted with increasing aggression against Castiel's thigh.

Cas brought up two fingers to Dean's lips and Dean automatically captures the digits with his mouth, suckling on them. Once they were nice and slick, Cas removed the fingers and reached down behind Dean, massaging the lumps of flesh. "Turn around Dean."

That command sent jolts straight to his cock. Damn it, whenever Cas took charge, Dean always found himself in a wobbly mess. Cas flipped him around so that Dean was facing the wall and leaning on it as if his life depended on it.

Cas gave no warning before inserting a finger into his hole. Dean hissed at the intrusion, involuntarily clenching around it, and it wasn't long before Cas added another. The ex-angel's finger slid quickly in and out of him and just with a few more thrusts of Cas's fingers. Dean could feel him pressing the head of his dick at his hole.

"Fuck, Cas! Don't tease me!" Dean groaned as he pushed his hips back to meet Cas's crotch. Despite none of the involved being sober, their movements flow so fluidly as if they had been rehearsed. Cas carelessly grasped the man's hip and, cock held in his free hand, positioned onto Dean's opening before pressing himself in slowly.

A small and satisfied sigh escaped both men and Castiel placed his hands firmly on either side of Dean's hips as he tugged the man back, pelvis pressing against his ass. Dean didn't hold back his moan as Cas filled him.

Then, without warning, he begins thrusting, the steady slap of skin indicating each push. Just as Dean got used to the stretch, Cas's hand slipped away from his hip and moved up to his head. "I want to hear you moan," he rasped, thrusting harder, pressing Dean's face to the wall.

Dean complied, groaning out a profanity as Cas continued his increasingly rampant and determined pace. Cas wasn't thinking at all, if he still had the ability to at the current moment,.as little noises spill from his lips.

Each time Cas rammed against his body, Dean's cock slides along the smooth wall and he rolled his hips, begging for some form of relief. Castiel could feel that. He saw the tension in Dean's back and felt the way he's writhing below him and he smiled, snaking his way around Dean's back and pressing his palm flat on his shoulder. Pulling the man's body closer, lips brushing against Dean's ear as he pants humid breaths against the other man's damp skin, Cas said, "Touch yourself." Without a second thought, Dean dropped his hand to his cock, legs only now starting to feel a mild discomfort and weak from the intensity of the activity.

"Touch yourself for me. I want to feel you come around my cock," Cas's groaning, nearly growling, hand gracelessly sliding down over Dean's chest to loop and wrap himself around his neck.

The thud of Dean's heart grew louder and louder with his ears and he stroked himself faster and Dean became light headed. The thrusting slowed but Castiel drove into him roughly. Orgasm building, Dean was humping, aching for more, back into each of Castiel's pounding thrusts. His lips opened in a soundless cry, head arching back, eyes screwed tightly shut.

Every muscle in Dean's body was activated with Castiel's cock ramming relentlessly into his body. His breathing was jagged and sharp, the moan of pleasure caught in mid gasping. Dean couldn't bring himself to pay attention the light that was slowly fading from his half-lidded eyes because he was coming.

Cas grasped Dean tightly, picking up the pace to match the clenching of the man's ongoing orgasm. Dean painted the wall in front with spurt after spurt of ejaculate and Dean began to think he's going to pass out.

Lightheaded, Dean exhaled a throat moan as ragged breaths followed. His hand was still stroking his cock, but he soon stopped moving to simply grasp the base as Castiel continued to thrust. His movements became less fluid and Dean could feel Cas's cock began to pulse inside of himself. Several final thrusts followed by Castiel's orgasm before he collapsed onto Dean, pushing him onto the wall completely.

Dean's muscular body was covered in a fine film of sweat and he was smiling to himself. Just when he thought this had got to be the best wall sex he had ever gotten, he felt Cas's shaft pulse once more in him before warm fluid filled him in a stream instead of in spurts. "C-Cas?" he called out as he tugged on the relaxed arm still hung around his neck. Castiel only groaned in reply as his arm effortlessly slipped off Dean's shoulders and his body left Dean's, cock still spewing fluid.

Thanks to Dean's quick reflexes, he managed to catch his boyfriend who had apparently dozed off just in time before he hits the ground. He was surprised that Cas hadn't passed out from before. Kneeling above Cas after he ensured that he wouldn't hurt himself on the floor, Dean noticed the warm liquid pooling around his knees. It took him only one look and a whiff in the air to know what had happened.

"Fuck! Cas! You did not just fucking pee in me after sex!"

Dean groaned. Fan-freaking-tastic, what a way to dampen the atmosphere. Maybe, when Cas said that he had to urinate, he really had to go. Fuck, he should have let him take a leak when he mentioned it. But no, he had to be such a clever ass to state otherwise. Dean combed his hair as he sighed. Well, at least the sex was great, right? Still, maybe he should get Cas drunk more often.

"I did well, Dean." Cas mumbled mid-sleep. "My job.."

Dean looked at his boyfriend. Covered in sweat and other bodily fluids he'd rather not think about, he looked beautiful with the body flushed red and face so adorable while sleeping with lips slightly parted. "Yes you did Baby."

"I really do dislike urinating." Cas slowly opened his eyes and kept them half-lidded to glance at Dean, clearly still holding alcohol flowing in his system "Can't watch over you if I'm distracted... Hate to see you get hurt."

Despite his hazy afterglow, Castiel wanted to let Dean know how much he cared. He wanted to pamper Dean, to watch over him. And ever since he lost his grace, he could only watch his boyfriend get beaten up and he could do nothing about it, not even patch him up like he used to do. So he made it a point to always stay by Dean's side to protect

him where he can.

Until, biology hit him.

Needing to relieve himself had been a huge distraction where he would have to leave his boyfriend alone and unwatched. And he never felt at ease when he really really needed to go. Yes, Castiel had learnt it the hard way: Urinating is a pain in the ass.

 **A/N: There you go! I hope I managed to bring out the humor across the smut. I'll appreciate reviews if you could make out the time for it :) Keep Waggin'!**


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